Earlier today, I found myself at the mall. I wanted to pick up a pair of cargo shorts and some decent dress shirts, so the mall seemed like a reasonable destination.
After about 2 hours of trying on overly baggy shorts and poorly fitting shirts at several stores, I finally find a pair of shorts and a couple shirts I like. By this point, my coffee and scone is wearing off. I need to eat and I’ve broken a sweat.
While their shirts consistently fit well (no prole gap), Express for Men has always made me uncomfortable with their omnipresent over-eager staff and terrible dance music, so when I step out of there, with a mild case of sticker shock and a considerable case of “leave me the hell alone and quit trying to compete with Abercrombie’s soundtrack”, I’m relieved to see that I’m already next to Macy’s. I’m more than ready to leave.
As soon as I walk in, I realize something’s wrong. I bought a pair of shorts at Macy’s on the first floor, when I first walked in, but now the menswear section is on the second floor and none of the displays look correct. I remember where I parked based on the escalator’s location, so I chalk one up to early senility and head out. The parking lot doesn’t look right at all. Oh well, maybe I actually walked in a different entrance. No luck.
At this point, I’m thoroughly confused. I check my bags, because I know I made my first purchase at Macy’s and sure enough, I have a Macy’s bag, but still, nothing looks right.
I must’ve entered the mall through a different store and just forgotten about it, so I leave Macy’s and head to the other end of the mall. As I do so, everything starts clearing up and I remember that I passed the old, nearly empty Caribou Coffee and the new, completely packed Starbucks when I first came in, so I know I’m going the right direction, now. How could I have been so forgetful? How could I have been so confused about where I’d been shopping? All plausible scenarios point towards me getting some professional help, before I become a danger to myself and others, but then I see it. It’s Macy’s.
The Mall at Tuttle Crossing is a Macy’s sandwich.
Due to a series of mergers and acquisitions, Kaufmann’s and Lazarus have both been renamed Macy’s.
The next time I need some new clothes, I’m just going to walk down to the Short North and pay too much for designer jeans. If, for any reason, I find myself back at the mall, I’m parking by the food court.
